Diary
A Few Quick, Horrible Words
Time is tight this week and even though I have much to tell you about (a trip to Spain, some thoughts about Time Lord Regeneration and a weird fantasy I had while crossing a bridge) we’ll have to make do today with “a few quick words.” In particular, some words I don’t care for. Ready […]
Mike’s Fishing Tackle Shop
Look! Look! It’s Mike’s Fishing Tackle Shop! You know when you’re on a train or something and you zone out for a little while and just stare into the abyss? Only it’s not the abyss at all but the crotch of an old man who just happened to be sitting there minding his own business? […]
The Fireman
“It blotted out the sun,” is a rather dramatic phrase to attach to a fire in some wheelie bins, but that’s what happened. It did so. I’d been flat on the chaise with a book as usual when I heard a sort of cracking noise, which I thought was Samara coming home and struggling to […]
The Monty
A local cat called Monty disappeared this week to much consternation. When I saw the MISSING poster reporting that he’d been CATNAPPED no less, my heart sank in part for the cat but also for myself. Being a bit silly about cats in general and fond of this one in particular, I just knew I’d […]
Ode to an Alka-Seltzer
Waking in fright this morning, I found that a very special bulb had lit itself on the control desk inside my head. It was the one labelled “Alka-Selzer.” “Yes,” I thought, running an exploratory tongue over furry teeth, “Alaka-Selzer. Don’t worry, Head, I’ve got this.” But I didn’t. I didn’t have “this.” I didn’t have […]
The Two Pounds
At last! They’re gone! I’d been carrying a pair of old pound coins around for the best part of nine months. I’d open my wallet and there they’d be, peeping back at me like the eyes of a small cat. The problem was that none of my regular journeys take me anywhere near a bank […]
The Sunshine and the Penny
Lovely! It’s a bit of the old whatchamacallit. You know, the old anti-sad. Sunshine. That’s the one. Yes, the sun is out for springtime and everybody I see on the street is wearing a pair of stylish sunglasses as if it doesn’t mean a thing. Let me tell you, a Scottish person in sunglasses is […]
The Missy
We’ve been looking after Missy, my mum’s cat. She’s getting on in years now — the cat, that is; Mummy’s the same age she’s always been — and her personality has changed since I first petted her tiny cat head. Missy used to be a tremendously affectionate and cooperative cat, perfectly happy for you to […]
The Litter
One of my regular walks takes me through an alley which happens to have some truly top-drawer litter. You bet I’m going to tell you about it. First, I should explain, it is not strictly an alley. Your classic Type-1 alley would have obscuring walls on each side. This alley has a mesh fence on […]
The Queue
When you want to collect a package from our local postal depot, you have to wait in a room the size of a toilet cubicle. The walls are decorated with photographs of naughty dogs who are known to have the taste for postal workers’ hands. I assume this Rogues’ Gallery is a bit like the […]
