Fight the Trite

08 June 2009 | Features

Originally published in New Escapologist Happy Birthday to you, Thunk! Happy Birthday to you, Thunk! Happy Birthday dear Laaaaauraaaaaa, Thunk! Thunk! I am in pain. It’s partially self-inflicted from bashing my head against the function room wall (balloons tacked into each corner, some hilariously arranged to resemble a cock and balls) and partly as a […]

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An Invitation to New Escapology

11 November 2007 | Features

Originally published at New Escapologist “If [the populous] were not mentally deficient, they would of their own accord have swept away this silly system [of work, money and status] long ago.” – Robert Tressell, The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists. “Run Away! Run Away!” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail. “See Istanbul, Port Said, Nairobi, Budapest. […]

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English Bastard

22 September 2007 | Features

Originally published at Meat magazine Being an Englishman in Scotland and being perversely fond of the fact is probably the UK’s answer to America’s ‘wiggas’. Whenever I accidentally utter a Scottish colloquialism (“Och, Aye”) in my Brummie accent I can’t help but think of decrepit, benign Hans Moleman on The Simpsons wheezing, “Cowabunga, dudes”. It’s […]

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Bored with a Capital ‘I’

| Features

Originally published in New Escapologist I don’t know about you, but I sometimes become so utterly sick of being myself that I would do anything to escape if only for a moment the curse of being ‘Me’. I imagine this is why some people watch soap operas: they enable you to vicariously experience other people’s […]

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The Cons of Pros

22 July 2006 | Features

Originally published at The Idler Working as an office functionary a few summers ago for a local university, I was handed a report by my supervisor as part of a performance review. According to the report, my work in the office had been ‘first class’ with the wider implication that I was performing as a […]

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