Some nice bathroom writing from the very funny Black Bag (2026) by Professor Luke Kennard:
Her soap appears to have been carved raw out of the side of a cliff; shampoo and conditioner in two enormous apothecary bottles I cannot imagine transporting for refills. Perhaps they are left outside the front door and refilled by an attendant with a horse-drawn vat. I pick up a wooden toothbrush and scan around for toothpaste until I notice a little black glass caviar jar marked Oral Care. The unguent inside is jet-black and is applied to the brush with a small wooden teardrop attached to the side of the jar by on length of twine.
It tastes like the sea at night.
My preference is for personal grooming products that look and smell like power toilet cleaners, but I am willing to concede, as I pick a literal piece of heather out of my eye after washing my face, that I have been following the wrong metaphors.
Don’t let Black Bag‘s Booker nomination put you off. Just give your hands a good wash after reading it and you’ll be fine.