Why Did I Look?

14 September 2019 | Diary

I peep onto Twitter because some people have messaged with regards to the record player query. I haven’t looked at Twitter for a while and I quickly regret it. It’s full of people talking absolute whazz in a deplorable tone. They’re not deplorable people (many of whom I know in real life and would gladly […]

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Wasp Fancy

13 September 2019 | Diary

You’re holding a beer mat to the mouth of a pint glass with a wasp trapped in it when the voice says, “give me your wallet and phone.” “Okay,” you say, “but there’s something you ought to know…”

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12 September 2019 | Diary

Reader Eric emails: I’m enjoying your recent content, even the posts about your moth problem. Even? Let’s assume he means “especially.” My mother-in-law emails from Canada with reference to the wedding cake incident: I agree, she should have tackled you! It is her fault. Love, Mamen. And yet an apology from my wife does not […]

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Thousands of Tiny Perforations

11 September 2019 | Diary

To a pub quiz with our usual team but in a different pub. We’ve been wanting a change of scene–but not so big a change that would see us doing anything together other than answering general knowledge questions. That way madness lies. Neil arrives a little flustered. He’s been trapped in a stairwell. He tells […]

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The bricks are back

10 September 2019 | Diary

Good Lord, the bricks are back. Someone must have seen them blocking the entrance a little and moved them. But instead of thinking “let’s get these out of our lives” and moving them to the bulk uplift area on the street, they’ve returned them to their previous place in the bin shed. They must have […]

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09 September 2019 | Diary

We’ve been watching Stranger Things 3 on Netflix. Or, rather, I’ve been watching it. Samara, being less in denial about mortality than I am, gave up after three episodes. It’s utterly hopeless. The makers must have forgotten that being cute, funny, and spooky was not only their strong suit but also the whole point. This […]

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The Bricks

08 September 2019 | Diary

I decide this morning that I will move the bricks. Yes, “the bricks.” For some time, there’s been a pile of bricks in the bin shed we share with neighbours. In fact, it’s five bricks cemented together to form a single chunk of hard-to-move brickwork. In case you’re interested–and why wouldn’t you be?–this hunk of […]

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Miro Cat Flap

07 September 2019 | Diary

To a local bar whose arty backers recently pulled out. If the bar survives at all, it will not be as the moody cool spot it’s been these past few years. Tonight, the main floor jumps with noisy and excitable teens while a handful of existentialists huddle on the mezzanine. We have an enjoyable night […]

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The Muting of Internal Racket

06 September 2019 | Diary

In the cinema the other day, I found that I was still thinking about my projects for the first half-hour of the action. This is unusual. I normally find that sitting in the darkness with nothing but the film in front of me is a surefire way to mute the internal racket. So today, drastic […]

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05 September 2019 | Diary

To Cove Park, an artist-run centre on the rural west coast. We reach it by train and by ferry. We’re the ferry’s only passengers and the boatmen have to extend the ramp just for us. We’re a minute late and the boatmen have already begun to unmoor. This makes them us hate us a bit, […]

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