Diary

Good Morning

29 September 2019 | Diary

Oh my God, what a night. I woke at 4:30 from a terrifying dream. It was just like in the films. I sat bolt upright, panting and confused, not entirely certain of where I was. As I tried to shrug it off and go back to sleep, I found myself sliding into the clutches of […]

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Coin Slot

26 September 2019 | Diary

A cut passage (a murdered darling) from my manuscript: I put my palm on the trepanned head of a plastic guide dog to steady myself. As I regarded its coin slot, it seemed to sing that I should pop my door key inside it. It had to go because it required too much explanation. Not […]

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Parasitic Wasps

25 September 2019 | Diary

Friend Kristin has read my moth diary and she’s keen to tell me about a “natural” solution involving parasitic wasps. Apparently you release the wasps at home and then seek out any unhatched moth eggs, feasting on them as the world’s grossest caviar. Unleashing some wasps is immensely appealing, but I can’t help wonder if […]

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You Come Home From Work

24 September 2019 | Diary

You come home from work and you turn the television on. Something’s wrong. Inspector Morse is on every single channel. You thump the top of the set in a caveman bid to escape John Thaw’s stern face but your hand passes through the set with a sickening tear. The television set is made of paper! […]

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You’re On Holiday

23 September 2019 | Diary

You’re on holiday in California, admiring the view at Big Sur, when you approach a local to ask for directions. The man panics. “It’s no good!” he shrieks, looking around helplessly, “I can’t do it!” and then he leaps into the canyon. Only the canyon’s not a canyon. The Californian passes through it with a […]

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