On the way home, some cops are bundling a drunk into their van. It’s a struggle and one of them shouts, “DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BITE A POLICEMAN! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BITE A POLICEMAN!”

The clear, officious language of “attempt” and his deploying of the third person contrasts endearingly against his use of the word the “policeman.”

“Police officer” would have been a better fit. “Policeman” is what a seven-year-old wants to be when he grows up.

I find myself wondering if now would be the ideal opportunity or the worst possible moment to try and steal a helmet.

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