Diary

Post-it Note King Tut Beard (Pass it On)

18 August 2018 | Diary

At a co-working space this week, I found myself sitting on the end of a row of desks in a pod of eight. I don’t usually like a co-working space but for various, complex reasons I was in one now, blearily squinting in the fluorescent light and wondering what happens next. Someone get me an […]

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Collapsible Podium

28 July 2018 | Diary

This morning I found myself looking through the Fringe Programme for shows to watch this year without being sick. Many of this year’s acts look too young to be out on their own let alone performing professionally. They don’t look ready. It gave me a chill to consider how I’d have handled the stress of […]

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It’s Picasso!

21 July 2018 | Diary

Everyone loves to spot a celebrity in the wild. Until a couple of weeks ago, my top three celebrity sightings were probably: 3. Scroobius Pip buying a twix, 2. JK Rowling cutting a queue, 1. Peter Davidson doing a wee in the next urinal along. I’ve also seen Walter Koenig using a payphone, but that […]

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On a Bridge

07 July 2018 | Diary

Once, when Spencer was telling me about his burgeoning fear of flying, he said “the plane could flip upside down.” “Yes,” I said, still chewing, “it could flip upside down a lot.” Spencer went pale. It had never occurred to the sweet summer child that the plane might actually corkscrew should the pilots lose control. […]

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Dave the Coconut / Samara’s Story

30 June 2018 | Diary

Two weeks ago Samara and I were in Spain and Gibraltar for a holiday. I was going to write about it in the diary today but I can’t be arsed because although it was a wonderful time I just spent half a day captioning the photographs and now I think I’ll go mad if I […]

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A Few Quick, Horrible Words

23 June 2018 | Diary

Time is tight this week and even though I have much to tell you about (a trip to Spain, some thoughts about Time Lord Regeneration and a weird fantasy I had while crossing a bridge) we’ll have to make do today with “a few quick words.” In particular, some words I don’t care for. Ready […]

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Mike’s Fishing Tackle Shop

08 June 2018 | Diary

Look! Look! It’s Mike’s Fishing Tackle Shop! You know when you’re on a train or something and you zone out for a little while and just stare into the abyss? Only it’s not the abyss at all but the crotch of an old man who just happened to be sitting there minding his own business? […]

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The Fireman

02 June 2018 | Diary

“It blotted out the sun,” is a rather dramatic phrase to attach to a fire in some wheelie bins, but that’s what happened. It did so. I’d been flat on the chaise with a book as usual when I heard a sort of cracking noise, which I thought was Samara coming home and struggling to […]

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The Monty

26 May 2018 | Diary

A local cat called Monty disappeared this week to much consternation. When I saw the MISSING poster reporting that he’d been CATNAPPED no less, my heart sank in part for the cat but also for myself. Being a bit silly about cats in general and fond of this one in particular, I just knew I’d […]

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Ode to an Alka-Seltzer

12 May 2018 | Diary

Waking in fright this morning, I found that a very special bulb had lit itself on the control desk inside my head. It was the one labelled “Alka-Selzer.” “Yes,” I thought, running an exploratory tongue over furry teeth, “Alaka-Selzer. Don’t worry, Head, I’ve got this.” But I didn’t. I didn’t have “this.” I didn’t have […]

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